UrbanUpdate

Maybe you were wondering what Tiger Woods was up to while Steph Curry was shooting an opening-round 74 and quickly becoming the greatest golfer on the planet. Was he at home, sulking? Was he working on his three-point jumper? Was he watching Shia LaBeouf steal the screen in The Greatest Game Ever Played? No, no, and no. Tiger Woods was (probably) going to do those things, but then he remembered that he had to go lobster hunting with his kids.

Let's break down all of the brags in this photo.

First of all, even though it has not even an estimation of a claw with which to defend itself—GQ's zoological expert claims this is a "spiny lobster"—that is a hell of a crustacean. Good for you, Tiger. Secondly, our man did this while free diving. He plunged the depths of Albany's waters with nothing but his lungs, his bare hands, and black booties—and still surfaced with this beast from the deep. Thirdly, let's talk about the Hurley trunks. If you're still wearing Hurley trunks, you have to have such a level of DGAF self-confidence that the resulting "Dang, look at those Hurley board shorts" issued forth from the observer is not one of menace, but one of awe-inspired resignation that you'll never be that cool. And fourth: Tiger's post is about lobster-hunting in the way that a model's beach selfie captioned "ugh, sand is the WORST" is about sand. This is about hard bodies, people! And since Tiger's offspring are nowhere to be seen in the photo, we can only assume that the "kids" he's referring to are his traps. Because he has not been skipping shoulder day.

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The last time Tiger was in the news was for falling asleep at the wheel, under the influence of prescription meds. So it's good to see him out and about, enjoying life, and, most importantly, looking healthy, regardless of whether he's with his kids or with his "kids" (traps). All of which is to say: with the golfball-smashing, barehanded lobster-hunting Tiger Woods as your muscle muse, you've got no excuse not to hit the gym this weekend.

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