UrbanUpdate

After a spectacular Super Bowl that concluded with millions of Americans celebrating the sight of Tom Brady entering a humiliating tailspin from which he may never recover, we move on together to what is usually the bleakest part of the sports calendar: For five interminable weeks until March Madness tips, fans everywhere are forced to subsist on a meager diet of regular-season basketball, spring training countdowns, and—[shudder]—hockey. And while the Winter Olympics provide a quadrennial period of patriotic respite during an otherwise grim and joyless expanse of time, these Games are already being threatened by the unlikeliest of villains: poop.

Yes, an ill-timed outbreak of the dreaded norovirus is racing through Pyeongchang, where officials quarantined more than 1000 presumably very-nervous security guards until they could be tested and cleared. So far, there have been 86 confirmed cases of the illness, which entails several agonizing days of nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea, according to the good people at the Mayo Clinic. Norovirus, you may recall, is the culprit behind the fabled poop ship voyages that seem to occur every time a member of your extended family suggests that a cruise might be a fun setting for the reunion this year.

Members of the South Korean military are filling in ably for their civilian counterparts, and so far, there have been no reported cases of the disease in athletes. That said, everyone in the area sounds pretty shook right now, especially given the lingering uncertainty about the cause of all this unpleasantness. While a five-day survey for norovirus in tap water reportedly came back negative, a local newspaper reported that water in the facility in question "smelled fishy, or like something was decaying," a description that does not exactly inspire confidence (#tbt Rio). Alarmed officials have made plenty of hand sanitizer and bottled water available, and are posting signs urging attendees to wash their hands with a frequency that might in any other circumstances be described as "overzealous."

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Of course, seasonal diseases are common everywhere, and in a cruel twist for beleaguered public health officials who just want to kick back and watch some world-class figure skating this month, parts of South Korea are grappling with flu bugs of the regular and avian types right now, too. But the perfect storm of a highly-contagious condition that can hang around in the sufferer's body for weeks after symptoms have disappeared, and a gigantic festival in which people living in extremely close quarters to one another will thereafter hop on transoceanic flights and scatter to the four corners of the globe is, at the very least, cause for understandable concern!

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No matter which country you support, the most patriotic thing anyone can do during these Olympic Games is take the time to boil your drinking water. For the world's sake.

Jay Willis is a staff writer at GQ covering news, law, and politics. Previously, he was an associate at law firms in Washington, D.C. and Seattle, where his practice focused on consumer financial services and environmental cleanup litigation. He studied social welfare at Berkeley and graduated from Harvard Law School... Read moreRelated Stories for GQOlympicsHealth