UrbanUpdate

I am annoyingly hairy. Like, everywhere. It really doesn’t bother me. I'm proud of my hirsute chest and hobbit feet. That is, except for my back hair and shoulder hair. That does bother me. Maybe some day I’ll be one of those doesn’t-give-a-fuck older guys at the beach flaunting their permanent sweaters, but I'm not there yet.

So the back hair has to go. And, after considering my options—you know, waxing, shaving, etc—I’ve decided that hair removal creams are the best. Here’s why:

Lasers are too expensive. Also, it sounds like my personal nightmare to lay there while someone zaps the thousands of hairs from my pores.

Waxing disagrees with my skin. I always break out into a rash that lasts 2-3 weeks, no matter where I go or how I treat it. I get sweaty, even if I’m sitting shirtless next to fan. The pores get clogged once those follicles are ripped out, and I spend half of my hairless-ness just recovering from the procedure. A few weeks later, the hair shows up again. Not worth it.

Until recently, I’d been shaving my back and shoulders. By myself. I'd hop in a hot shower, let those hairs soften, let those pores open, and writhe around with one hand pressing my elbow ever further back, scraping the razor, rinsing it, scraping it again—inevitably over the same spot, inevitably missing random patches everywhere—and then applying moisturizer, with the same difficulty, trying to soothe the skin I just assaulted. (Never mind that I have to repeat this process twice a month.)

A hairless-by-choice friend suggested depilatory creams, or as you may know them, hair removal creams. I'd only ever heard of them as tools for college dudes pranking their bros by putting Nair in their shampoo bottles. My Dad did this once in college to his friend. And now he's bald. That's called justice.

These creams work by breaking down the keratins (proteins) in hair, which releases them from the follicle and skin. They don’t dissolve the follicle, which is a misconception, so the hair will grow back slightly quicker than if you waxed it. Still, you can expect a few weeks of dolphin-smooth skin.

Having tested a few, my favorite is Nair Men Hair Remover Body Cream. It's the friendliest to my skin (no rashes, no breakouts) and most effective on my back hair. Hallelujah.

But before you go and Prime a bulk-size bottle of the stuff, there's a few things you should know:

Don’t put it on your face: This is not facial hair removal cream; it will burn your skin if applied above the shoulders. There are light formulas that many women use to remove small patches of facial hair. Your facial hair is thick and coarse, unlike hers, which is barely there in the first place. The creams aren’t designed to remove yours; instead, you’ll land yourself a painful rash. But, good news: There’s a process called shaving that we highly recommend. It works!

Don’t put it on your junk either: This is the first and last time we’ll tell you this. Use an electric razor to trim those hairs. The skin on your man parts is just as sensitive—if not more sensitive—than the face. (But yes, you can use it on your legs and butt. Just be careful in the crevices, mkay?)

Apply dry, and let it set 5-10 minutes: If you don’t let the cream set long enough, it won’t fully break down the proteins in the hair. If you let it set too long, it will burn your skin. So, pay close attention. Test a small spot on your shoulder or leg: See if the hair comes clean off. If so, it’s time to rinse.

Buy a lotion applicator brush: Depilatory application isn’t a task to hire out. You should do it yourself, less your loyal partner or friend wants to risk losing patches of hair. Just squeeze some lotion onto the brush, then lather a thick layer all over your back and shoulders.

Rinse well (really well): You can use the same brush to wipe away the hair once it’s been released from the skin. Don’t worry about the cream trickling down your body; it won’t remove any excess hair since you aren’t letting it settle into place. Just wash your entire body with a gentle soap after you rinse the cream away, and you should step out of the shower without any accidental bald spots.

Watch Now:

How to Get Perfect Hair This Summer

Adam Hurly has been covering men's grooming since 2013 (and for GQ since 2016). He is also a travel writer. In Fall 2024, Adam is launching Blue Print by Adam Hurly, a men's grooming platform. Adam resides in Lisbon (previously Berlin, NYC, and San Francisco). He is a Sioux Falls, SD, native... Read moreWriterInstagramRelated Stories for GQGroomingHair