Kim Jong-un's New Haircut is Only the Beginning
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KCNA
Well, it could only be the beginning. Kim Jong-un's latest experiment at the barber shop has been causing international headlines for the past twenty-four hours. His hair now reaches higher than ever and to match its gravity defying volume, he's downsized his brows. It's something to behold, truly. While we applaud his courageous grooming effort, we couldn't help but think of a few styles that might suit him better. Let us illustrate with the wonder of photoshop.
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Kim Jong-un is obviously suffering from middle dictator syndrome. He shuts himself out from the rest of the world, and in turn, the rest of the world makes mediocre films about assassinating him. If he wants to do something to be popular, he needs to make a change. He needs a brand new look. He needs the new Jan Brady. Make a splash, Kim!
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Nobody has more impressive hair than Jared Leto. It flows like a waterfall, trickling down to every red carpet there is, and convincing some that the second coming is upon us. It would take some work, and some hair dye man-hours, but wow, what a statement. Easy, breezy, beautiful Kim Jong-un.
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Relations between North Korea and the United States are tense right now. In my heart of hearts, I hope that Kim Jong-un longs to remedy this. Perhaps it's up to him to extend the first olive branch, though. If he suddenly appeared channeling the hair of one of our most beloved musicians, it would certainly clear a path for the easing of tensions. Détente by grooming.
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Conversely, if Kim Jong-un has no intention of making nice with the United States and other nations in the world, he should just go full evil sorcerer. And what better muse than Jafar? His twisted beard, his awesome hat with the cool feather, and his general lust for total control of the universe seem to suit Kim's personality. Plus, he'd get to carry a snake staff and potentially turn into a giant cobra. BONUS.
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