UrbanUpdate

We'll start with the obvious and obligatory concession here, which is this may very well be a prank, or perhaps a piece of cleverly-designed viral marketing for a sex toy about to hit the market in Germany. That said: According to a Facebook post, intrepid first responders in a city called Worms were recently called to an area hospital, where they used a grinder, a saw, and some sort of hydraulic tool to remove a certain "very sensitive part of the body" that someone who needs your thoughts and prayers had gotten lodged in a five-pound Olympic weight plate. The report does not explicitly state which part of the body we're talking about here, but their choice of language and the size of the hole in question lead inexorably to but one grim conclusion. Please, gaze upon the fire department's handiwork, which reportedly required three hours to dismantle:

Photo via Facebook

Again, your hoax antennae should be up here, but it is also an ironclad rule of biology that if an orifice comes to exist somewhere on this planet, a horny man will have the bright idea of attempting to put his dick in it, no matter how horribly distasteful and/or spectacularly ill-advised this course of action may be. In this case, the person's rationale for making this choice remains unclear, as does the specific sequence of events that caused this person's appendage to (1) fit in to the hole and then (2) not come out it. However, given that the object in question has a very specific purpose outside the realm of, um, very personal use, I sort doubt that its selection here was a coincidence. (Perhaps he should have asked for a spotter.)

Although I am not yet certified as a practicing sex therapist, I am confident in asserting that should you have an interest in further developing your bedroom prowess, this is a... suboptimal method of achieving that goal. The penis, according to this "weightlifting with penis" Google search that I look forward to explaining to a bemused HR representative very soon, does contain muscle tissue. That said, it is not a muscle in the same sense as as any of the body parts you diligently train in the gym several times a week in the hopes of increasing its size and/or strength, and to the extent that movements like Kegels and certain hip exercises can perhaps be of use in your romantic endeavors, those things most certainly do not involve attaching a plate to your genitalia and completing, say, four sets of ten reps, followed by one set to failure.

"Please do not imitate such actions," cautioned the firefighters at the conclusion of their post—an exhortation which, given both the degree of potential danger and also the extent to which this should have been obvious, does not have nearly as many exclamation points as it should.

Facebook content

This content can also be viewed on the site it originates from.

Watch Now:Stay in Shape Like These NFL Players (No Penis Weightlifting Required)Jay Willis is a staff writer at GQ covering news, law, and politics. Previously, he was an associate at law firms in Washington, D.C. and Seattle, where his practice focused on consumer financial services and environmental cleanup litigation. He studied social welfare at Berkeley and graduated from Harvard Law School... Read more