UrbanUpdate

Short answer:

No.

But let's back up. First, a story, and stop me if you've heard this one before: Man takes woman on date. Woman texts many times (allegedly) during date. Man, unhappy with the texting, sues woman for the cost of the date. It's a tale as old as yesterday, when it was reported in the Austin-American Statesman. 37-year-old Brandon Vezmar went to the movies with a woman he met online, and then later filed a petition in a small claims court asking for the price of the movie ticket ($17.31) after he said she "activated her phone at least 10-20 times in 15 minutes to read and send text messages." The petition stated that "while damages sought are modest, the principle is important as defendant’s behavior is a threat to civilized society." When reached for comment, the alleged threat to society (the woman) said, "Oh my god" and "This is crazy" and "I'm not a bad woman."

We could let the courts settle this, but since she's employing the same defense Donald Trump used when he told James Comey that Michael Flynn was a "good guy," we'll go with the POTUS's logic: Fuck the courts! We'll decide!

Let's break this down, step by step.

Brandon meets a woman online, and successfully convinces her to go on a date.Go, Brandon!

Brandon decides to take date to the movies.My dude. Come on. You can't take a date to the movies, not on the first date. How will you get to know each other? How will you know that she likes texting? How will she learn that you're the type of guy who might sue her? These are things that don't come across during Tinder small talk, and don't come across while seated on adjacent cushions in a dark movie theater.

Brandon buys two tickets to Guardians of the Galaxy, Vol. 2.Though breaking the cardinal dating rule of "Never remind a girl you're trying to impress that you're not Chris Pratt," solid movie choice. And he paid, like a true gentleman. Go, Brandon, go.

Fifteen minutes into the movie, the date begins texting. It quickly becomes, in Brandon's mind, "a first date from hell" since texting during a movie is one of his "biggest pet peeves." The "first date from hell"/"threat to society" defended herself thusly: “I had my phone low and I wasn’t bothering anybody.”Frankly, we feel you, Brandon. That's messed up. People who text during movies—[Ed's Note: Hot take warning]—ought to be sent to the moon, especially when they're audacious enough to presume they know whether or not they're bothering other people. Now is it really a "date from hell?" Or more of a relatively commonplace pitfall of a date in 2017? You decide.

After asking her to stop and her refusing, Brandon tells the date that maybe she should go outside to text. She goes outside.Hard to fault either party here. Guardians of the Galaxy, Vol. 2 is a good movie and, especially at $17-a-ticket, shouldn't be ruined on account of a date's happy fingers. But after asking her to leave, you can't be mad when she does.

She never comes back inside.You saw this coming.

She takes her car, the car they used to drive to the theater.Did not see that coming, though. Cold-blooded twist.

Brandon calls and texts her, asking for the price of the ticket. She declines, saying that "he took me out on a date."Probably ought to let this one go, B-money. It didn't work out, and she was rude, but maybe just let it go. There's an entire endless carousel of women out there you can take to movies that don't have Chris Pratt in them.

Brandon calls her little sister asking for the price of the ticket.Seriously. Let it go.

He files a petition, suing her.Men, listen, there are a few hard and fast rules when it comes to our ever increasingly weird world of dating: before the first date, you can't go deeper than seventy weeks back in her Instagram feed; during the first date, you pay the bill; after the first date, you can't sue. You just can't. So if you take anything from this wonderful, terrific story, let it be that. Also: love is hard.

Watch Now:The Rock Dances!Clay Skipper is a Staff Writer at GQ.XInstagramRelated Stories for GQRelationshipsSex and Relationships