UrbanUpdate

Many of us will talk a lot of yang about getting in shape this month, but don’t have the time or dedication to actually “hire a trainer” or “research weights” or “sample the endless buffet of fitness content available online,” most of which consists of videos of guys named Tork yelling about shredding and torching things. As such, we at GQ have compiled this ultra-simple beginner’s guide to starting off your 2016 right, with advice from Darrin Hickok of New York’s Mercedes Club and Carlos Frias, a trainer in Southern California. Print or save it to your phone-machine device, and get shredding and/or torching.

First of All, Decrease Burgerness

See this list? It all melts into goo if you’re supplementing it with Quarter Pounders. Your diet accounts for at least half of your fat reduction here, sorry.

Read MoreThe 10 Habits of Highly Unflabby PeopleBy Jeff Vrabel

Run a Systems Check

Now that you’ve sworn off McEverything, examine yourself for: 1. Range of motion. 2. Flexibility. 3. Parts that hurt. Walk around the house checking for creaks, basically. Learn your weak spots, lest you break yourself.

Get Warm

You’re ready to work out! Lightly run for five minutes. Or jump rope. Imaginary-box your office nemesis. Honestly, you could do the Hammer dance—just activate your heart for five minutes before the real workout begins.

Establish Core Values

Master the plank: Rest on your forearms, elbows under shoulders, legs stretched out behind you, everything from shoulders to heels in a straight line. Hold for 20 seconds, and start working up.

More Core

Next: push-ups. Wide-grip push-ups focus on your chest; the close-grip versions hit the triceps.

Treadmill Part 1: Intervals

Determine your cardio capacity. Find a friend, and start at a light jog—4.5 to 5.5 mph—with a slight incline. Bump your speed about .5 mph every 90 seconds. Once it becomes difficult to hold a conversation, keep it at that pace and build endurance.

Treadmill Part 2: Hill

Give your treadmill workout an edge by doing 30 to 45 minutes at an incline of 7.

Treadmill Part 3: Hit and Run

Jog for 60 to 90 seconds, then full-on sprint for 30. Taper back down, repeat. Do this for up to 15 minutes; Frias says it’ll burn calories for up to 16 hours after the workout ends. Short and to the point. (If you’re not a runner, do this on a stepper or a bike.)

Hey, Where Do These Stairs Go?

Don’t sleep on the StairMaster. Set it on “Fat Burn,” which activates intervals—30 to 40 minutes there will give you a good burn and work your legs more than a standard treadmill.

Save the Free Weights

Weight machines first; jump into free weights later. (Machines create a fixed path of motion, so you can’t screw it up/injure yourself. But free weights are ultimately more effective.)

Chest Press

Frias sees too many guys bringing the bar too close to their chest. Head back, spine straight.

Squats

Focus on something (like a light fixture) five to ten feet above you. Lock your gaze onto it to remain aligned.

Shoulder Presses

Elbows under wrists; extend until your biceps are at your ears. Straight up—don’t get the bar in front of you. The keyword is straight; someone standing off to your side should see your spine in a line.

Life Is but a Dream

Strive for 600 meters on the rowing machine. It’s more than it sounds.