UrbanUpdate

Sex Lives chronicles the evolution of one person's sexual history. This week: Jordan, 29, from Orlando.

I think the first like lizard brain sex moment was when I was about six years old, watching Indiana Jones, and there’s Harrison Ford on a rooftop. Just smirking with his chest hair popped out. I think six year old me knew: I want that in my life at some point. I masturbated for the first time when I was about eight or nine and I wasn’t even fully aware of how to do it. It wasn’t the traditional way, it was more just kind of laying on my stomach and putting my hand down there and just rubbing; it was so goofy looking back now. 

I grew up Catholic, so I kept [being gay] to myself for a very long time. My family was always really cool, I have a lesbian cousin and I knew my family was cool, but the church I went to was very much not. So in high school I pretended to date women but it didn't go very well. My brother thought I was asexual in college because I never was showing any outward attention to  anyone. It took me a long time to actually open up. I don’t think I told anyone until I was 21. 

The second I turned 18, Grindr was on that phone. Everyone thought I was asexual in college, but really I was a disgusting slut on the low. I was out there. I would leave my apartment at one in the morning and tell my roommates—I lived with my older brother and a friend—and I’d tell them, “Hey I’m gonna go smoke with friends from high school.” And I’d leave for an hour and a half, come back sweaty and disheveled at odd hours of the night, and they’d have nothing to say about it. They had no idea. Like I was out in a field. 

No, genuinely: I was 18, I think this was the second or third time I’d ever had sex. I went to meet up with this guy who was about the same age at his house; he lived on a farm and he had horses. We couldn’t go into the house because his brother was there, so we went into the field right next to where the horses were and we’re having sex and I hear a sound at one point and I look up and it’s a horse just watching. Oh! I also got my dick sucked in the parking lot of the church I went to. A cop pulled into the parking lot as it was happening. I just rolled my seat back, but I still kept going. I was just watching the cop; it was the most surreal moment. 

Coming out didn't really change the amount of sex I had; I just kept having a lot of sex because Grindr is easy. It's very easy. But I came out in 2016 publicly, right after the Pulse shooting happened, because I lived in the area and it really affected me to hear about that. And I’d come out about a year before to my family; my family were all very chill about it. I got my first apartment on my own when I was 24, but I didn’t have as much sex in that apartment as I thought I would. I was still going to other people’s places. I think there was a protectiveness: This is my space, I don’t want to bring people here. 

Most of my sex life has been hookups, not relationships. I had a weird psychosexual relationship with an older man, a guy in his 40s. I’ve always had a penchant for older guys. He got really into me after a hookup we had and I thought it was just going to be a casual fling. But he tried to start a relationship with me. He was like, “You should meet my son,” who was only a few years younger than me. I had to cut that off. I didn’t really have any relationship experience, and I didn’t try for a long time. I had one boyfriend when I was 23 and we lasted a couple months, but it didn’t really work and I moved back home several hours away. The shitty thing is that when I was finally in a place where I was like, “I’m ready to date. I’m ready to get out there,” it was January 2020. I was just ready to go out and try to get a boyfriend and the world shut down. I haven’t really tried since.  

Well, with one guy, I thought there was something there. We had been on and off meeting up with each other since about 2018 and by the time I finally expressed feelings to him, it was early 2022. So by that point, we’d been on and off hooking up for about three or four years. And I was like, “Hey, man, last time we were hanging out, you were kicked back on your couch and I was giving you a foot rub while we watched a movie. And we did that for about two hours before having sex. I think there’s a little bit something more here; I’d like to explore this.” And then he ghosted me and I never heard anything back. 

Unfortunately, despite it ending weirdly, the psychosexual relationship with the older man was probably the best sex of my life. We had sex for about four hours one night. Normally, I’d say that is too long, but it was just like… really hot. We spent four hours fooling around back and forth and it was so good, but he was also crazy, which was the downside. He was just very hot in general. It was the first time I ever had sex without a condom. We’d both been tested beforehand and all that and he was like, “if you’re not gonna have sex with anyone else, I won’t have sex with anyone else.” He had a massive dick. Like eight and half inches and curved in just the right way. And he knew what he was doing. I was like 22, 23 and he had to be mid 40s. He knew exactly what he was doing. Plus, I’ve always had a thing for dad bods, like a hairy body and all that. He just looked like a hot dad from down the street but he was able to hit it in all the right places. 

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I started as a top just because I was afraid of butt stuff and I was like, Oh, well that’ll make me seem gay and then I realized, Wait a second. No, that’s dumb. I spent probably the first two years of having sex mostly topping and then when I moved into my first apartment in college I had room to explore. I started playing with my butt and then realized, Oh this is great. And then I went versatile for a while and now I’ve been mostly a bottom for about eight years. Now I’d say I’m about 90% bottom, 10% top. 

One thing I’ve wanted to do for a long time— and the whole reason I haven’t is just because of disease risk— is be a part of a gang bang. I want to be a bottom for like five or six guys. I’ve had threesomes where I’ve been the bottom for two guys and I’m like, Ohhh this is fun. I’ve set up threeways and fourways pretty easily through Grindr before, so it’s not something that I feel would be absolutely impossible. It’s more that I need to make sure I trust everyone. I just found out a couple weeks ago that I have syphilis. It’s the first time I’ve ever caught an STD after 11 years of having sex. I understand and there’s no shame or anything like that, but I caught it because the person I was with was like, “Oh no, I’m not having sex without a condom with anyone else. At any of the other hotels I’m going to.” He was a traveling business guy. And I was like, “Yeah, I believe you!” And that was dumb. I never realized; I had no symptoms. I just went for my regular three month check up because I’m on PrEP and they caught it. It wasn’t that big of a deal. I’m on the medication; it’ll be done in nine days. I haven’t had sex in about two months and I’m not going to have sex until it’s cleared up, but I don't think it will change much. I mean, I use a condom most of the time anyway, just every once in a while I don’t—like if I’m having sex with someone recurrently and we have an exclusive friends with benefits thing. But I think I’m even gonna cut that off for a bit just because you never know. 

I think the majority of the sex I’ve had has been in hotels, just because I have such a thing for older guys, but also businessmen. One thing I’m very scrupulous about though is making sure they’re not married; that’s one thing I have to fight to avoid. I once walked out of a hookup because a married guy told me he wasn’t married, so I went to his hotel and we're having sex and he stopped because he gets a call from his wife. I’m sitting here, legs crossed, just staring at him the whole time. The second he hangs up, he tries to be like, “Okay, so we’re gonna get back to it, right?” And I said, “Excuse me? You told me you weren’t married. I’m here because you told me you weren’t.” It took all my self control not to say something while he was on the phone. 

I’m fine if people are in open relationships where they’re honest about it. I’ve slept with many married gay men who are in open relationships and I’ve met their partners, but I hate when married supposedly-straight men are on these apps pretending they aren’t married. If they say they’re married to a woman and we’re open, I always take that with a grain of salt. I’m like, “You got any proof there?” I have had sex with a man where I met his wife and she was totally cool with it, as long as we used condoms. That was her one rule. It was incredibly strange meeting someone’s wife and then going up to their spare bedroom to have sex. She was home; that’s how he proved that she was ok with it. She was just sitting in the living room watching TV.  

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