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By Joshua Rivera

Sex scenes are an art unto themselves. Make things too hot and realistic, and you'll forever be relegated to the annals (sorry) of Sex Movie History where all anyone remembers is the sex, like 9 1/2 Weeks or Crash (the 1996 James Spader car-wreck-fetish movie, not the one with Ludacris). Go too far down the PG-13 route, however, and why even have a sex scene in the first place? Looking at you, Pierce Brosnan-era James Bond movies, with your generic-ass "rolling around under beige linens while a gentle breeze flutters the curtains" nonsense.

Here, for better or worse, by design or sheer disaster, are the funniest sex scenes in movie history. Because we all know you know exactly where to find the actually hot ones.

MacGruber

Streaming on Amazon, $3.99

Without exaggeration, I believe this to be one of the greatest achievements in sex scene history. Will Forte and Kristen Wiig's work here is peerless. From the line that kicks off the action itself (MacGruber, refusing to have his bullet wound sewn up, whispers "I like holes" before kissing Wiig's Vicki St. Elmo), to the song choice ("Broken Wings" by Mr. Mister). The whole thing begins funny enough as a parody in itself, with shots of writhing, oiled torsos and a catastrophically irresponsible number of candles. "I get it," you say.

Then, the music cuts, the soft focus is lost, and we're treated to a far too long single-shot scene of MacGruber GOING AT IT. His grunts are horrible, his dirty talk, worse ("I'm gonna fill you up!" he moans). It's awful, and goes on far too long, which is just the way it should be. A reprise of the joke, taking place in a graveyard of all places, does nothing to blunt the experience; in fact, it enhances it. A masterpiece.

The Room

Another cult comedy classic, for severely different reasons, that is quite frankly too gross and NSFW to post here. Believe not a word star/writer/director/producer Tommy Wiseau says: This entire film was meant to be played straight. It features not one but two passionless, borderline-disgusting sex scenes between its leads, which if legend holds true, were shot on the FIRST DAY of filming (there are also definitely multiple uses of the same shot across both separate sex scenes). A disaster within a disaster. We're lucky to have it.

Watchmen

Streaming on Amazon, $3.99

OK, this one is also too gross and NSFW to embed. But Zack Snyder's Watchmen has its moments, and in the grand scheme, sure, is one of the better-case-scenarios for what was once called an "unfilmable" graphic novel. Really? It's a solid attempt, but that doesn't change its disastrous, hilarious sex scene. A horrifyingly ill-advised sequence in which the previously impotent Nite Owl (Patrick Wilson) finally gets boned up and has sex with Silk Spectre (Malin Åkerman) in a hovering owl ship. The whole thing is entirely unsexy, and, worst of all, is set to Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah." A hall-of-fame unintentionally funny sex scene.

Bridesmaids

Streaming on Amazon, $3.99

Jon Hamm and Kristen Wiig (making her second appearance on this list! congrats!) have such good chemistry they can bring that back around to terrible chemistry in this, one of the most famous and beloved scenes in a famous and beloved movie.

Avatar

Streaming on Amazon, $3.99

Nine-foot-tall blue cat aliens (one of whom is technically a human) using their offensively Native American-appropriated hair braids in order to achieve interspecies copulation under the soft glow of some freaky glowing night ferns? What more could you ask for?

Superbad

Streaming on Netflix

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Greg Mottola's Superbad, based on a script by Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg, is a quintessential coming-of-age movie for the modern generation. It is also, maddeningly, ten years old already. How did that happen? I hate it. I don't know how millennials do teen sex anymore. It's probably disgusting and a ton of fun. Anyway, Superbad's tandem sex scenes, in which Evan (Michael Cera) and Fogell/McLovin (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) finally get the opportunity to shed those scarlet Vs, is one of the sloppiest, funniest, and downright embarrassingly accurate portrayals in modern cinema. Be careful what you wish for, teens.

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