UrbanUpdate

I’m going to start a new little project, and I can’t do it alone. But hey, it benefits you! 

My reviews here are a good balance of subjective and objective, but sometimes they tip the scales into more subjective. Which is really why I started reviewing in the first place – I had a hard time figuring out if a sex toy was going to work out for me without reading about other people’s experiences. But when I talk about how well a toy did (or didn’t) work out for me, that opinion isn’t going to apply to everyone. Let’s say I couldn’t love a dildo because it’s short; I’m round and not all that flexible, so a short dildo is not going to work for me. But someone else without those issues might absolutely adore that dildo. Another example: the OhMiBod remote control Bluemotion vibrator is something that I’m reluctant to even ask for review, because I know that design won’t work for me and how I’m built.  Since that nub has no prayer of reaching my clitoris, my opinion of how the vibe might work for others could be skewed. 

You get the idea, I’m sure. So basically I want to create a list of other reviewers who review subjectively and who can plonk themselves into little descriptive boxes. I have two ideas for how this will look. The first is a line for each person, and then icons, like the icons SheVibe uses for at-a-glance info on sex toys (if you’re looking at the OMB vibe I linked up there, it’s the icons that let you know if something is anal-safe, rechargeable, waterproof, etc).  Another idea is a table, with names going down the left and attributes going across the top and dots in the boxes. If you have better ideas, please explain them. This is all I could come up with this afternoon. 

Who will qualify for this list? 

You should be comfortable with writing negative/critical reviews. If you didn’t like the item, if it didn’t work for you and is bad enough it won’t work for most? Say it. Be critical and note flaws. Make sure people understand what they are spending their money on!You should be committed to reviewing only non-toxic, quality toys. What’s good? TPR, Elastomer, TPE are okay but porous. Same goes for Tenga stuff and Fleshlight. Good is silicone, hard plastic, glass, certain brands of wood, quality metals, coated ceramics, stone.Ideally, your reviews should contain a good amount of subjective discussion and personal experience with the toy, and be well-written.I also want this list to be as broad as possible. I need a good mix of all genders and sexualities.  I need people who live all around the world.  Kinky, vanilla, and everything on the spectrum, please!

It will end up looking like this for each person:

Dangerous Lilly

Vibrations: 4Stimulation: 3Size – Vaginal: Width: 4 Length: 5Body: Fat, fuller labia, buried clitGender: Cis femaleDisabilites: Reduced strength, mild arthritis, issues with flexibility & reachOrgasm ability without toys: 5Partner reviews: prostate stimulators and masturbators, cismale POVFavorite toys: We-Vibe Tango, Njoy Pure Wand, Je Joue UmaOrgasm preference: ClitoralKeywords: More power; safe sex toys; very picky!

What I’m looking for from others would roughly fit the outline below.  Attempt to be succinct and if something doesn’t apply (you don’t have a vagina, you don’t review anal toys) skip it. 

Vibrations: Rank the intensity you prefer/need on a scale from 1 to 5, 5 being the most intense.Stimulation: Pinpoint or broad for external vibrations? 1= super pinpoint, 5=very broadSize – Vaginal: Width and Length, scales belowSize – Anal: Width and Length, scales belowBody: Again, be brief, use keywords. For me, being fat defines how I use toys. If you’re not? If your body size doesn’t factor in in any special way to how a toy might work out for you? Don’t list it. Include here also whatever details about genitals you’re comfortable sharing. I’m comfortable saying that I have very full outer labia and a small, buried clit. Info like this helps others who are built similarly find someone else built like them. Penises, similar info. (try to limit to 50-70 characters)Gender: List it however you choose, whatever terminology fits for you.Disabilities: Have any? List em if it matters to how toys work for you (try to limit to 50-70 characters)Orgasm ability without toys: Judge as best as you can. Scale listed below. If you have a penis, would this apply less/not at all? If so, don’t need to list it.Partner reviews: If you have a partner who reviews toys that you can’t use, list it. My husband, cis male, reviews penis and prostate toys for my blog. (try to limit to 50-70 characters)Favorite toys: Pick three if you can, but limit it to threeOrgasm Preference: Do you have one? List it.Keywords: key words or short phrases that really apply best to you. I’m aiming for 55 characters or less here.

Scales:

1 to 5, 1 being least intense/smallest/easiest

Orgasm scale – 1 would be it’s easy and consistent, 5 would be it happens never or very rarely & only with much patience. Scale yourself accordingly between those two.

Stimulation – External vibrations. 1= super pinpoint, 5=very broad

Size  scale –

 1.25″ and under1.25 – 1.51.5 – 1.751.75 – 2.02.0 +

Size scale – length

3″ and under3″-5″5-6″6-8″8″ or more OR toys with a long handle

UPDATE: I’d like to be able to publish all of this on a page on my blog, but I’d also like to give people the ability to sort and filter. Embedding a spreadsheet from Google Docs doesn’t work within the confines of the post area space, and wouldn’t look right on mobile, so I’ll provide a link to a version of the spreadsheet that’ll be published on the web. Anytime changes are made or people are added, the published sheet will auto-update.