UrbanUpdate

This story is part of GQ’s Modern Lovers issue.

For our exploration of modern love and romance in this March issue of GQ, we asked 889 people of all demographics about what love means to them. We learned that love is a huge force in most of our lives, but the way we practice it is changing rapidly along with technology and culture. We’re moving away from old norms (like marriage) and establishing new(er) ones (like sexting).

The most important quality in a relationship is open communication. (The second and third qualities are emotional connection and spending time together.) Physical attraction, on the other hand, isn’t that big big deal, especially to people currently in love. While sex is important, less than a quarter of people think it’s crucial to a happy relationship (though intriguingly, millennials think it’s more important than any other generation). 

Less than half of people under the age of 35 believe marriage is an important institution. And if love isn’t in your life, take some comfort in knowing you’re not alone. About a third of people are single, the same amount aren’t having sex, and less than half of people are “very satisfied” with their sex lives. To the 28% of you who say you’re in love, but single—our hearts go out to you.

We asked about the nitty gritty, too. Sharing passwords and bank accounts, love languages and couples therapy, cheating and getting cheated on, pornography and sex toys. Unsurprisingly, the youth are on the cutting edge on most fronts. They’re more open to open relationships, three times as likely to have nudes of themselves on their phone, and keener on prenups. It seems to be working well for them—of all age groups, Gen Z is happiest with their sex lives.

No matter the role it plays in our lives, love is undeniably present and powerful: 87% of people have been in love, and 72% currently are. Whether that means a person is in love with one person or several, it’s making them happier. In that regard, love is just as timeless as ever.

The 3 most important elements of a loving relationship are:Open communicationEmotional connectionSpending time together71% of people say sex is important in a relationship.24% of people say sex is crucial in a relationship.40% of people are “very satisfied” with their sex life.1/3 of people say they aren't currently having sex.34% of Asian people, 35% of white people, 53% of Hispanic people, and 63% of Black people say they are very satisfied with their sex life.56% of straight women said they wouldn't date a man who isn't financially secure.1/3 of people say COVID has had a negative impact on their relationship.1/4 say COVID has strengthened their bond with their partner.1/3 said COVID has had no impact on their relationship.23% of all people feel a prenup is important.LGBTQ+ couples are more likely than others to meet through social media and dating websites.1 in 4 people feels unrequited love.72% of people say “I love you” to their partner at least once a day.Regardless of demographics, 1 in 2 people believes in soul mates.47% of people are familiar with the concept of love languages.71% of Black people are familiar with the concept.76% of people who watch porn don't pay for it.People under 35 who watch porn are much more likely to pay for it.

3517%

Younger people are more likely to have posted video of themselves having sex on the internet. It's also a more common practice for LGBTQ+ men (30%) and trans men and women (30%).

358%

3x: People under 35 are three times as likely to have nudes of themselves on their phone.Half of people (50%) share their passwords with their partners.Only 9% of people are in a relationship where one person shares and the other doesn't.A quarter of people under the age of 35 have participated in a threesome, almost twice as many as their older counterparts. More than half of LGBTQ+ men have participated in a threesome (and 48% have participated in an orgy).

3518%

LGBTQ+ men59%

Couples Therapy

17% tried83% didn't

Was Couples Therapy Helpful?

61% very helpful26% somewhat helpful13% not helpful

GQ's Survey on Modern Love was administered in December 2020 and posed a series of multiple-choice and write-in questions to 889 individuals.

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