What Are Your Boyfriend Pants?
I was about two months deep into seeing a new dude and it was extremely on. We saw each other most days, his door guy had my name on a special admittance list, I watered his fiddle-leaf fig while he spent the holidays in Los Angeles—things were developing quickly. In the morning following one of our routine sleepovers at his place, I emerged from the bathroom to find my guy, “Brent,” not in his fail-safe, get-laid boxer briefs. Instead, he was chasing the cat in loose-fitting polar fleece … slacks? It was like two cozy silos, one for each leg. Inexplicably, I got butterflies.
Still groggy from waking up, I couldn’t check myself before declaring, “Oh my god! We’re in a Relationship!” Obviously, dude was caught off guard and understandably sheepish. But it was true. His relaxed apparel confirmed the capital “R” evolution of what was previously a situationship—the official exclusivity talk happened days later. This was far more intimate than having someone’s junk in your mouth. These were Boyfriend Pants.
Everyone has go-to, presentable pajamas fit for the occasional bodega run or semi-public wear. Boyfriend Pants, although seemingly singular in name, can apply to all articles of clothing kept tucked away until a certain level of intimacy has been unlocked. (For example, your Boyfriend Pants could be a sweater.) That level may be gauged by quantifiable time spent seeing each other (easiest to judge), serious words exchanged (my friend Dane says about six month after the first “I love you” is normal. He’s married so we have to consider him a dating expert), or gosh-darned hunch (the method Brent must have favored before unveiling his #tbt Old Navy threads). Boyfriend Pants could be seen as evidence of a slacking of efforts or, conversely, the development of trust. Either way, I see routine wears as testimony of comfort around another human with whom you share emotional vulnerability and at least a few bodily fluids. It could mark the graduation from “I like you” to “I love you” or, at minimum, “I’m not burying my face in anyone’s crotch but yours.” Boyfriend Pants don’t exactly equate with breaking wind in front of a partner (remember, you should try to make sure they still want to have sex with you) but they reinforce the unfortunate truth that, yes, you are mortal and occasionally gotta get your snug on.
Women traditionally get slapped with the relationship outfit trope when we swap out our lacy thongs for hi-rise cotton briefs. But men are just as guilty, albeit sneakier, in how they define and break out Boyfriend Pants. Boyfriend Pants are not always schleppy and tattered from years of private wear and love. Often, closeted nerdom or basicness defines this clothing item—though yes, some scruff is a hallmark.
“I'm gonna have to go with my Akira T-shirt, which I've had since I was a teenager,” said my friend Adam, who is now in his mid-30s, when I asked him about his boyfriend uniform. “It's no longer white and hasn't had sleeves in over 15 years. I tend to wear it when it's warmer, but never when I have a lady over, unless we're in a serious relationship.”
Another friend, Martin, said he has a navy-blue Nautica bathrobe originally purchased in 2002, typically relegated for courtesy wear between the shower and his room (to shield housemates). Only when something special develops do non-housemates get treated to a robe sighting. “The best access to my part of the house is the garage, so whenever I'm walking out a nice young woman the morning after staying the night, I either throw on my running shorts or my clothes for the day,” he says. “On one such occasion a year ago with my current significant other, I knew I was just going to go back to sleep, so I robed up and opened the garage door for her. If she weren't already a regular guest, I doubt I would have ever put on this ratty-ass robe in front of her.”
Martin says his companion was non-affected and made no comment about his leisure look. In fact, when recently asked her about his robe, she even offered, “I know I’ve always wanted to put it on.”
No matter how dilapidated, ill-fitting, dorky, out-dated, whatever the Boyfriend Pants, no men I talked with mentioned a visceral reaction from a partner. Even though I preferred Brent’s boxer briefs to his sheared sheep slacks, I was sure he felt the same about my full-ass coverage underwear vs. cheekies. And, frankly, the tenderness I felt towards his new-old dress outweighed my wistfulness for the bulge-in-briefs look.
“I’ve never been roasted by a partner for rocking loungewear,” Ryan says. “If they did I would definitely feel hurt because a boy gotta get comfy.” We all do, so wear your Boyfriend Pants proudly—but wield them carefully.
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