UrbanUpdate

Right now in Seattle, there's a man in a tree who refuses to come down from his 80-foot-high chill zone. No, seriously. There's even a live feed of the whole thing happening as we speak.

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We get it. What guy doesn't need to zone out for a bit? Get away from the stress of his daily life? Not shave for a few days, or in this guy's case, weeks (we assume)? And that's really the star player in this so-called "Tree Man" story—his massive, Hagrid-level beard. No, not the patchwork hoodie or GoT peasant clothes or the fact that a grown man is refusing to get out of a tree, but some unkempt facial hair. And because we'll never turn down an opportunity to talk about beard maintenance, we're using this guy's adventure to remind follicularly-inclined guys everywhere that beards are great, but scraggy, overgrown mountain-man beards are not. In short: You need to keep that shit in check, even if you're sitting on top of a hundreds-year-old plant.

Good thing we've compiled everything you need to keep your brag-worthy beard in check right here.

Jake Woolf is a writer who has covered men’s style for over ten years and has contributed to GQ since 2014. A graduate of Parsons The New School for Design (good school, long name), he also has bylines at Robb Report, HighSnobiety, Pitchfork, and the defunct #menswear website Four Pins... Read moreWriterXRelated Stories for GQGroomingBeards