UrbanUpdate

In our April issue Clay Skipper asked Billy Eichner to hold forth on how to get along with strangers in these troubled times. Among other wisdom—which you should read as though it's being SHOUTED IN YOUR FACE LIKE THIS—Eichner has some good advice for those of us swiping away on dating apps:

I can’t tell you how many guys start their conversation with me on these dating apps with “Hey, bro! What’s up, bro?!” I’m like, “Bro? Don’t bro me. You’re not a bro. I’m not a bro.” Then their profile is like seven paragraphs long, where they tell you everything about their life or philosophy. People going off on politics on Grindr is one of the stupidest things I’ve ever seen. That’s an immediate sign to run in the other direction. A profile should be ten words or less. Anything more is serial-killer territory. I understand you’re trying to carve out your place in the world, but don’t do it on a sex app.

Eichner is right. This is the age of TL;DR—in journalism, alas, and in dating. Unless you're dealing with a really funny joke, there is no reason for your Tinder/Grindr/Bumble/Raya bio (does Raya have bios? I wouldn't know.) to include more than 10 words about yourself. You wouldn't launch into a filibuster about your childhood with someone you just met in a bar, and you shouldn't do that on a dating app. If you have the following in your dating app bio, you're already doomed:

Phrasing lifted directly from your resume or LinkedInSong lyrics (save it for your AIM away message in 1999, loser)Poetry—especially your own"If you are [miles-long list of your ex's qualities] then swipe left."A primer on your political viewsA long string of emoji demonstrating all the things you like to do and eatA bulleted list

In a meeting a few weeks ago, I asked Tinder's resident sociologist, Dr. Jess, what she thought of the "ten words or less" rule. Dr. Jess told me she thought that was a little reductive, adding that your bio should include whatever information gives potential mates a sense of Who You Are. If Who You Are is a 900-word quote from On the Road, you do you. But if Who You Are is someone who wants to get laid, keep it short.

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